Monday, May 30, 2011

How to Keep From Killing People with Free Forest Therapy.

Okay, first let me apologize for the imprint that is left on the photo above as I am cheap. Now, have you ever noticed while out walking in the woods that some strange, unseen force seems to sneak all your repetitively worried, and negative thoughts away? It happens to me every single time. If this hasn't happened to you, it is because it has been so long since you were in the woods that you don't remember it! Another thing that could have happened is that you may have escaped to the woods because you needed to get away from the problems of life for a little while. Then having been in the woods for a half hour or so, all of a sudden solutions start coming to your mind of how to make your life less of a mess. What is this phenomenon?

Well actually, it is just getting your butt back into nature, back into the world you came from but have kept yourself away for so long. And also, there is an essence and atmosphere in a forest setting that is not present anywhere else in the world. The forest is said to have spirits, some seen and some unseen that walk beside you and comfort you along the way. The motives of the forest are entirely built around the natural rhythms of nature, while ours are built around housing ourselves, throwing groceries down our pie hole, and paying our enormous cell phone bills. Commercial outfits and corporations have long ago seen a need to profit from all the stress they give us, and they do the best they can to sell us products so we can de-stress our lives. You can buy forest therapy candles, lotions, books, meditation Cd's, meditation videos and even screensavers to save you from opening a can of crazy on everyone at work.

These are nice items, don't get me wrong, but as soon as these items are out of your sight and mind you are right back to wanting to get this out:

By far though, my favorite thing to pick on in terms of "natural stress relief" is the spas. Some of the things they get rich people to pay for just cracks me up. And just so you know, if things get to be too much for you, I will come over to your place and put hot rocks on your back and mud on your face for free! Hey, that's what nature buddies are for. Anyway, here are some new "bring the forest to you" spa treatments that will be coming to your local richlazyoldbaghangout spa soon:  

Lols! If you're not afraid of snakes slithering all over you, then why don't you just go out into real nature? Heck, I would only charge this girl (she's not my nature buddy) only five bucks to row her out to that little island out in the middle of the lake, you know that island in every lake they call SNAKE ISLAND! She would love it there.

I would doubly love to know how much this guy paid to lay on this "earth bed" at the nature spa. Yes, I'm sure there is not one bug on that. Although I do have to say, it does look pretty comfortable.

So what do you do for stress relief if none of the above ripoffs options work for you? Or what if you don't even live anywhere near a forest or woods? Well then I guess you have just got only two choices if you were planning on some stress relief. The first choice is just to stop worrying about anything, at all ever, anyway, because;

The other choice, and the one I would choose, is guided forest meditation. Now just read me out on this!! It works trust me, although not anywhere as well as being out in the forest for real. But sometimes, as we all know, we have to settle for the next best thing. First off, you need to get you some forest tree essential oil. It has to be an essential oil from some tree (or plant) in the forest (fir,birch, etc.), and not a synthetic blend oil. You can mix a few drops of different forest tree essential oils in a carrier oil like almond oil to create your own natural forest oil blend. Because these essential oils are extracted from the tree, it is the closest approximation to being in a forest setting as you can get (in your mind) without actually being there. You can get these online or at any natural health food store or new age-type store. Also at these places you can get these;

.....which sounds really hokey but when you use these essential oils and natural essences with guided forest meditation, it is like a holodeck for your forest therapy experience. I like guided meditation because I'm too impatient to focus my mind long enough to achieve any lasting, therapeutic effect. If you are new to meditation, then you will probably want to start with the guided stuff anyway. You can buy guided forest meditation Cd's and downloads online and in those new-age type shops. There are some on YouTube for free (see below). The YouTube ones though tend to be too short, but are great if you only got about ten minutes.

So here we go, remember these steps for your virtual forest stress relief. 

Step one: Say to yourself "forest therapy session beginning now".

Step two: Start guided forest meditation video or start focusing on a picture like the one below and pretending you are right in that setting.

Step three: Lube yourself up with the forest tree essential oils or start sniffing the essences.

Step four: Relax, close your eyes, block out any outside thoughts or noise that doesn't coincide with your sensory experience. And speaking of a sensory experience, might as well imagine something sexy coming down your path and checking you out. Enjoy.

 Forest Mediation Scene to Focus on:

Guided Forest Meditation Video:

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