Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Beauty of being Irregular

Throughout my entire life I have beaten up myself for not looking like other people, not having what other people have, or not getting things done as well or as fast as other people. It has taken almost my entire life to finally thank God that I am nothing like other people. Yet to some extent, I will probably continue to beat myself up for different reasons throughout my life. It seems like our own lives are a perspective that we have to modify and deal with for the rest of our lives to try and make ourselves happy. The following are things that I'm glad I didn't become or accomplish:

I went to high school in the late 80's. I  was always frustrated that I didn't have many friends and I wasn' t at all popular. In fact, a guy I went to high school with found me recently by the class year on Facebook, although he doesn't at all remember me (I graduated with 30 people).  But anyway, I was always sure that the reason I didn't have a ton of friends was because I didn't have the right wardrobe. I still remember some of the clothing items I would have died to have worn to school. So essentially, I desperately wanted to look like this:

Oh, the things we wish for. So moving on now to right after high school. I got this bright idea to go into the military like my dad did. That would have meant that I would have to spend the rest of my life eating lettuce and popcorn cakes. Also I'm mouthy and a little lazy. A depiction of what I would have been like in the military is this;

So I wised up and went to college, and I went to college some more. And some more. And I changed my major a lot, and a lot. A lot, a lot. I think at one time or another I was going to be everything but a bee keeper. Unfortunately this was a large part of my life. It was a lot of confusion and indecision that is fantastically captured as this;

And then one day I got a wild hair up my butt and decided to go to culinary school. What was I thinking? A glorified servitude job with crappy hours, lazy egotistical bosses and lousy pay I guess is what I was thinking. So I just upped and moved to Hyde Park, NY to the Culinary Institute of America. If you have ever read Anthony Bourdain's analysis of that place, he is right! The student body consists of mostly community college drop-outs and the classes are taught by disgruntled ex-chef's who treat all their students like dog meat (when they are not sleeping and doing cocaine with them). After one year of that place I got the hell out, which is a good thing because I was starting to look like this;

Well then I eventually pulled my head out of my butt and began doing what I was born to do. Only I can't talk about that much on here because with the Internet these days anyone can find anything I've ever said on here (and I say a lot) and use it against me. That can jeopardize my career which took me a long and convoluted time to get. I have to be nice, sweet and wonderful all the time from here on out (If I have to, I guess). Besides, I don't want to end up like this guy;

Because of my chosen profession I will never be rich. I will never live in the mansion I dreamed about when I was six. Come to think about it, most of my fantasies that I was disgusted that I never lived up to were conjured up when I was six. By now, I was supposed to be princess of the world. But that's okay,because being the princess of the world and having a huge mansion to take care of would take too much time from what I really love to do in life, which is running around like a weirdo in the forest and blogging about it. It doesn't matter at all now anymore because I have a new dream house that I have already started saving up for. It looks like this;

One final regret that I have had throughout my life was never getting married. I would have been horrified at the age of 20 knowing that I would not be married by the age I am now. Especially since I have been planning my wedding since age six! Now I am A-OK with that, especially since most all husbands after three or four years turn into this guy;

 And marriages are often notorious for producing these;

Well there you have it, my whole odd life summed up in a couple of crazy photos. The point is I'm me with all my eccentricities and weird decisions, and nobody else, and that makes me as rare and fun as those trees pictured up there. Those trees by the way are from the Dancing Forest of Kaliningrad, and they are considered a treasure. It's funny how we humans think of a tree that overcomes amazing obstacles and grows in unique ways as a treasure, but if we do the same thing, then we look down on ourselves.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.