Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Forest Fires! No matter what they say! They SUCK!

Eastern Arizona has been ablaze with forest fires lately. Yes, I was actually surprised they had big enough forests in Arizona to create such a big disaster myself. It seems like these days, you hear about a forest fire raging on all the time, somewhere on the planet. If you are nowhere near one, you really never think much about it. If you are near one, I can imagine it must be absolutely horrifying. These Arizona people below are packing up and splittin' town.

Thank God they're saving the umbrella-thingy and the old cafe sign! No, but seriously. It's got to be rough for them because not only is their town and house threatened, but you've got nerdy scientists and the forest service spoutin' out about how forest fires are wonderful!

Supposedly they are healthy for producing new life in the forest, I guess. In some circumstances, they actually let the forest keep burning. It's mother nature's way of spring cleaning. If we stupid people don't cause them, then lightning will. It's better in the long run they say. Except even years on down the road, you've still got a forest that looks like this:

And where exactly does the wildlife go?  I imagine most don't make it out. I'm not a forest expert or anything so I don't know all the beneficial effects of forest fires. Probably the only real good that comes out of them, is from the perspective of the nearby kids who get out of school.

I imagine a lot of fire fighters really rake it in too ($$$-wise). But they say it is a really dangerous job, and I'm glad there are people up for the job. Of all the things on this planet that needs to be saved, forests have got to be right up there. Blessed be the forest fire fighters! You are my heroes, because you've got to deal with this;

Which leads to the old argument, if you don't want to lose your house to a wildfire, don't build in the forest! Just like it's dumb to build a house on a beach if you don't have a buttload of hurricane insurance. It is my dream to live in the forest! I just wouldn't build a fire magnet like this;

.....because as everyone knows, just like God hates a trailer park in a tornado, wildfires hate a million-dollar log cabin in a gated community! Seriously, some people just ask for it. Speaking of asking for it, what kind of sicko, sadomasochist would buy these?

Nice thing to put in your kid's room after watching Bambi. I like the part on the bottom where the animals are running for safety! I guess these macabre lamps come from the 50's, and these specific ones are from an antique shop. God, the fifties were weird. Yet, even I have to admit, that despite the awesome destruction of a forest fire -if you remove yourself far away from it-  there is something tragically beautiful about a forest fire. If you Google forests, you will find the most visually arresting forest scenes to be the ones on fire! Especially the night scenes, like the one below;

Poor deer! Or whatever they are! At least they have the stream to protect them. Of course when I am picture-hunting, I always come across something ridiculous;

And I like to pretend what the person looked like who would conjure up such an image. I'm guessing a horny, pagan pyromaniac on this one.  But anyway, I think we need better methods of fighting forest fires (Duh! Real profound, Angela! No one else has thought that!), because despite the new life fires give them, I still think forest fires overwhelmingly suck. Apparently, there is a new hero in fighting these raging infernos. You can meet him here below:

Yeah! Now, that's what I'm talking about! This robot kicks forest fire butt first, and never takes a name later! As far as I know, the robot doesn't have a name. I would have to give it a name in honor of Smokey the Bear. I would have to name this robot, Smoketron the Bada**. If I was rich I would purchase thousands of these robots to help firefighters fight forest fires everywhere. But, I would have to keep one for myself. He would be great for going to the grocery store for me at around 5:30 pm when everybody else and their dog is there. I'd bring him to rock concerts with me so he could carve out a comfortable place for me to stand. I'm going to Disney World this summer, so he can help me get up faster to the front of the line of Space Mountain.

But since forest fires are a fact of life in living on planet earth, I personally think that we should place some temporary trees in devastated areas so they are not so despairingly desolate and have something for animals to hang around in. Here are some good options:

Of course, the rainbow tree is my favorite. Now I know what to do with that plot of land in the backyard that nothing grows in. I can also run a stream of Kool-aid through the rainbow forest and decorate the paths with big lolly pops. And I would dress up little midgets and let them live there for free, as long as they agreed to keep up their gingerbread houses. OMG! I need to stop, and I apologize. This post has definitely gotten too long! I think I took too much cold medicine, you know the kind you have to ask the pharmacist to get for you behind the counter!  Back too the main point: I'm sorry mother nature, but forest fires still suck!

:-(   :-(   :-(

1 comment:

  1. Loved reading this. I was looking at "forest scene" images and came across it. Thanks, you made me laugh!!
    God bless your sweet heart. I can tell you love a beautiful forest too. Developers...they are the real tragedy. Nothing comes back after a coating of asphalt and buildings. At least fire creates good ferilizer.


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