Monday, May 9, 2011

10 things you should never do while camping in the forest.

For every serious forest post I write, I like to come up with something crazy. So here it is, again written by yours, truly.

 10 things you should never do while camping in the forest

 1. Set up your camping potty next to a U.S. Forest Service wildlife camera.

2. Assume your big butt will be supported in those 150# weight limit-collapsible chairs.

3. Bring your curling iron, make-up, Nintendo DS, satellite phone, iPad--and forget to pack your tent.

4. Set up camp anywhere named Mutant Mountain, Warlock Woods, or Laceration Lake.

5. Get in a flaming marshmallow fight by the tent.

6. Shoot at, or signal unnatural bright, disc-shaped lights hovering in the sky.

7. Threaten your kids about Loco, the psycho tent slasher clown, if they don't shut up and go to sleep.

8. Set up camp right next to a berry patch, a beehive, and a stream with large amounts of salmon jumping up in it.

9. Showing off your "survival" skills by trying to start the campfire with two sticks, or some MacGyver contraption. No one cares, just light the damn fire with lighter fluid, we're hungry.

10. Assume your flimsy tent room divider is going to keep those on the other side of it from experiencing any of your sounds, smells or sights.

Ha-ha! Got any to share?

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