Saturday, July 16, 2011

The Metaphysical Forest: When will it let me in?


Even though I grew up in a particular religious tradition, I've always been kind of a metaphysics junkie. I remember being a little kid scouring the adult paranormal section at the Miamisburg, Ohio library for ghost stories because I thought the children's section was too juvenile. And I also have to admit I love the cheesy kind of new age art like the picture above. This kind of genre will never end up at Sotheby's or on the cover of Modern Art, but I love it's other-worldliness and it's "age of Aquarius" color scheme.

Even though there's a lot of kookiness (UFOs, pyramid hats) in new age philosophy, there's a lot of non-traditional truth I believe. Metaphysics fully embraces each new discovery in quantum mechanics. I love this about the new age movement, it adapts with new scientific discovery, even if it takes those adaptations a little out of field sometimes. Metaphysics asks all those really "out there" questions that the "normal" people of the world never would. I do try not to take my metaphysical inquisitiveness too far though.

For me personally, life is one big metaphysical journey. I'll hop on any new age bandwagon that comes my way, at least for a little while, to see what's on it and where it might take me. Then eventually I'll want another perspective and then I'll wait for another new age bandwagon to roll by and I'll hop on that for awhile. Assuredly, I come across some serious BS along the way, but it's the ride that's important!
There are a few things that I just can't figure out though. The first one is Chakras. I think it's an interesting concept, but yeah, whatever......

I mean, really, what are you supposed to do with these supposed power parts on your body? All I know so far is that you're supposed to keep them aligned and there are a lot ways you can supposedly do that like with yoga and stuff. Apparently, if you're feeling funky, out of sorts, or even sick, your chakras can be misaligned. When I have these symptoms, it usually means I need to procure some caffeine, FAST. Or maybe I'll just sit outside in the sun for a few minutes and clear my head. If I'm feeling really discombobulated, I'll drive all the way to my Doctor so he can look at me like I'm a hypochondriac and tell me that he'll run some tests "if you want me to". But anyway, I really started questioning the importance of chakras when I saw a thing online somewhere that was talking about the chakras of trees. Now c'mon, even a tree hugger like me has got to be skeptical about that.

Poor tree can't even do yoga if it's chakras aren't aligned! And speaking of yoga, that's another thing that hasn't won me over. Of course yoga isn't really "new age", people have been doing this for centuries. But a whole lot of new age type people do it. I tried it once, all it felt like to me was that I was stretching out seriously underused muscles. The spiritual, mind focus thing was totally lost on me. Mostly because my mind was more focused on the fact that with the next unpredictable sway of my butt way up in the air, it was concussion time.

This thought leads me to my new theory that the only reason people take yoga classes is to show their life is balanced enough to afford it, and to shop for future flexible dates.

Below: That would have to be one sturdy tree limb, or I'd be in a permanent yoga pose called "The Coma".

Okay, Okay, lots of people have actually said that yoga really helps them out in life and even helps their back from hurting. I'd personally rather hop into a nice, clean hot spa. Now on to my next metaphysical misunderstanding, astral projection.

Wow, would I love to be able to do this! I could ride Pirates of the Caribbean anytime! And then I would do all kinds of things like check out what's in Area 51, become an amateur underwater archaeologist, and have on-stage tickets to any concert I want. But no matter what techniques I try, I come up with nada. I've tried the countdown method, and the focus on the flame method. I've thought "fly! fly! fly!", but to no avail. There were sometimes when I had some pretty lucid dreams that some people might consider to be astral projections, but who knows with my weirdo psyche. Gods willing I'll get it all figured out before the new age apocalypse, 2012.

If not, the good thing about the new age world is that you can always find some professional help.

See! Nothing to worry about. I have to go now, I'm going to drive up in the forest and lay crystals all over my body for a pick-me-up!


Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Forest of Illusions

     Do you ever walk in a forest and see something that you thought you saw but didn't? Have you ever seen something in the forest that looked like something and you wished it would come to life? Have you ever been scared by something in the forest and saw it was just an eerie assimilation of branches and rocks? That's just another one of the many magical things about the forest, how its' presence is shown depends on the eye of the beholder.
     And one's perception of it is very telling. For example, if you are distrustful of nature, you will probably see a lot of signs of danger. Such as footprints of a stalker or shadows of a rabid raccoon. If you're an "in-sync-with-nature" kind of person, you'll probably see patterns in fallen leaves and smile at the sight of a snake curled up and basking in the sun. I'm in this last category that I'm about to describe, the "mind-runs-away-with-nature" type. If I'm out in the forest and I see a little hovel caused by a pile of collapsed branches, I imagine it's a portal to another dimension. If I hear what I think to be footsteps all around me, I think that I'm surrounded by all the spirits that live in the forest.
      So the following are some forest-y type illusions that you might like. Some are better than others, and as usual with pictures, my two cents are included.

I think he's about to say something.

                 Deer, as in one or more deer?

 Delightful forest setting, or creepy skull!

I see you!

Yikes! Stripes!

"Oh, that's just the fog looking like that kid I beat up in high school who was going to come back and haunt me til I die someday. Nothing to be frightened of."

"Well this looks like a peaceful spot to camp, kids."

This fox seems to think he's not alone.

Illusion? Maybe. But what else in nature could mimic giant red lips and realistic blue eye balls? This is probably more better off in the fantasy art realm.


A rare example of how someone's butt could end up as a nose.

Ridin' on into Heebie-Jeebieville! Probably not a good place to see a man about a horse (snicker, snicker).

This forest makes me feel like I've been a naughty girl. I'll spare you the explanation.

"I keep getting this strange notion that we forgot something.... Oh GOD! We left our kid at the rest stop!!!!

Lols, I think I just might have to do another forest illusion post someday. Until then, it's back to the illusion that I call life. C'ya all, I hope your week is fantastically unreal.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Bring back the Cloaks! Bring back the Cloaks! Bring back the Cloaks!

Well to continue on with my fashion theme, I wish now to lament the loss of the most classic of all garments that is no longer in fashion; the cloak. Why? Why? Why, did it go away? It just had the most mysterious, romantic and ethereal notions about it. It was also the most practical of all garments, of any time. It was warm, but could also be made in cooler and lighter materials for the warmer weather. You could make your own at home in like, two hours.  You could have a plethora of pockets sewn on the inside and outside of it. It smooths over any body issues. You never have to worry about what you wear under it. The hood eliminates the need for excessive hair care. And the best part about cloaks, is that you can totally disappear inside one if you want to....

It seems like cloaks went out of style around about 300 years ago. Probably a lot of things account for this such as modern conveniences, relaxed mores, or perhaps a modern disdain for things perceived in many ways as "medieval" (inquisition, serfdom, molesting priests). Well it sure can't be for comfort, at least for me.  I think it would be like wearing a fancier snuggie around all the time.

Probably the only time you've ever seen anybody wear a cloak these days was at the awesome-ist of all outdoor events, the Renaissance Faire. Otherwise known to me as the only place that exists that doesn't think I'm too strange.  Think what you may think of ren faire participants, they are one of the only living legacies of the most versatile garment of all time.

Not all cloaks are black of course. Today I would walk around in this one if my job wasn't dependent upon others' opinions of my sanity.

And I would go with this one in the winter. Perfect for tackling snowstorms. For fun I could pester kids outside playing with Turkish Delight (Lion, Witch & the Wardrobe). Or even more fun, walk outside of a cemetery gate when someone drives by.

You don't even have to go with a traditional style cloak. Heck, I don't care what they come back as, as long as they come back! You can make your cloak into whatever it is you want to express about yourself. Like, nobody is going to mess with this lady at the next board meeting.

I'm all about this cloak variation though.....

.....which is a perfect example of how well a cloak can display, alter or mask your personality as well as anything else you want to hide:

This is lame, I know.

And even though they cover a lot of skin, they are still sexy as hell! Don't believe me? I'll give you three examples right now!!!


 See, I told you! So come on everybody, it's high time we brought sexy back.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Welcome to my fashion sense!

Well, I've always been a little "different". I've always been a little strangely obsessed about nature. Might as well start dressing the part. Except that I would need a full service florist to get me dressed everyday. Hmmm...that would be outrageously expensive...  I guess I would have to go into the forest myself with pruning shears, tape and a stapler. Doesn't sound very comfortable (and risky), but we do have to suffer for our styles these days, don't we?

Now here is my new coat. It's warm, earthy, and won't be mistaken for anyone else's on the coat rack. The perfect outerwear to show your Earth Day event supremacy, especially since everyone just showed up for the refreshments.

This is my hat I wear for those days I don't want to mess with styling my hair, which is generally about 345 out of the 365 days of the year. Butterfly attracting flowers are a good idea to add for that extra dramatic flair.

Now this is the exact pose and look I want to pull off when my dream man walks down the forest trail. Fairies are optional.  

However, the only man these days I could attract with these ensembles in the forest is a man similar to this:

Anymore I can't be picky. If he's got one foot in the grave (looks like it) and comes from old forest money, I am so puttin' a ring on that. Heck, I've already got the wedding dress picked out for it.

You're all invited when it takes place of course. I hope you don't mind sharing the buffet table at the reception with the local forest critters. Just don't forget the bug spray, because it's going one long, heck of a party. I've even got the dress picked out for that...

This is definitely a case of form following function. Not only does this dress for the reception scream "PARTY", no one will be able to see how smashed I'm getting for the honeymoon.  LOL!!!!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Cool down your blazing hot summer with this wickedly dark romance in the A/C!

You know I'm not usually into romance novels these days, they are generally too cheesy and unrealistic for me. But this one looks rather fascinating. Any book that talks about love across time and dimensions is definitely going to grab my attention. The main character is Wiccan, and for those of you who don't know what that is, it is basically just a person who works with the old ways (ancient Gods & the natural energies of the earth). They are not evil or go against Judeo-Christianity in anyway. It's the religion that is most in harmony with the earth that I know of.

Anyway, this book is The Grimoire Book Chronicles: Veil Between Worlds by Sally Dubats. Check out the video below to get a feel for it. It looks to be really gothic-alicious!

Standing out on the Precipice

Too bad I couldn't push somebody off right now (I kid). Well it's that time again, life just served me up a big whopping plate of change. I'm standing out on yet another precipice, and I have no idea of what I'm looking out at. No signs or hint buttons from here on out. I think I've got a pretty good chance of surviving it though. When you're changing, it may not always be for the better, but yet you still somehow progress. Funny how life is like that.

Even the stupid journeys I've made in life that seemed to produce no fruitful outcome seem to evolve into unique manifestations.

But the older I get, the clearer I can see that an epic fail earlier in my life may not have advanced me any, but did help me understand something more pertinent later down the line. Having that knowledge, it is imperative from this point on to have no regrets. Life isn't up to our own ambitious designs, it's just what naturally evolves. Regrets = bad use of time planning your next adventure.

And through the years I've been wrapped up and confused about the notion to just go for your dream and never look back. Or, if you want something bad enough never, never give up trying. Well, that's probably great advice for a future Olympian who has the ultimate body designed for javelin throwing or something like that. The truth is, throwing everything under your dream bus is a waste of time on the great trek of life.  Failure is an oft-looked friend who is highly versed in constructive criticism.  

Your best effort in pursuing dreams is to go for the one that you're naturally adept at. Are you totally hilarious and have a ton of people standing around you laughing all the time?  Then quit screwing around in community college and learn what it takes to be a comedian. Spend all damn day on your laptop, and you're not working or employed? Then get your butt into an IT or programmer certification program, and stop perturbing people on Facebook or Youtube. Is the only thing you're good at is having the latest smart phone with service without ever maintaining a job? Then quit loitering wherever you're loitering at and work that baby to score you a reality show deal. Lesson here is, never look past an  emerging opportunity while absorbed into something comparatively useless.

Of course in this day and age, opportunities are frighteningly scarce. You can thank globalization for that.

Our lovely elected and non-elected finance officials have turned us into a zombie nation of job hunters duking it out over crap jobs like this one:

So you have to look for it in unusual places. Now is the time to pounce while everyone else is still reeling from the effects of our corrupt economy. You snooze, you loose.

 When everyone is griping about what is all going on around them, you've got to think fast and look towards emerging trends in the future (i.e., health care, energy crisis, education, technology). From there, you can plot your road to success. We're in a new age that is in the midst of a rapidly changing, global technological infrastructure. This is not the time to be opening a gift shop in the strip mall. Pick a trend in the future, study it, and hit up the first opportunity you come across in it.

And when that opportunity starts to get moldy, it's time poise yourself for reinvention and move on into the next big thing.

 In this new cutthroat world, you can't rest on your laurels. You'll always need to update your skills to stay ahead of the pack. Continuous education can help you to navigate new industry threats which are emerging all the time.

So rapid, survival-of-the-fittest, change is the new norm. Stop driving your kids nuts about coming to the dinner table and let them take a plate back to their computer so they can finish their blog. Let them tweet until 3 am about turning their Kindles into instruments of espionage. Definitely encourage the nerd persona. Tech savvy and brains are the new cool.

If you feel like all this technical transformation is making your head spin, it probably is. We'll have to find appropriate outlets for our anxiety. Probably not this one.

I think if we have to ride the technology wave, we should definitely try and enjoy it! Come on holodeck!!!!!


Because eventually we'll get old. Our super duper, amazing technical skills will only be able to carry us so far. Younger people with way fresher ideas than our brains can cook up will eventually wipe us out.

Hopefully by then we have already bought into the great retirement funding hype and begin to leisurely enjoy our lives in style.

I guess there are other options then dealing with all this rigmarole (< spelling?), like if you were rich you could just hide away in a cabin in the woods and watch the rest of the planet fight it all out. As enticing as that option is for me, I've got a dark and horrible cloud looming over me and it goes by the name of "school loans". In closing, I would like to leave with the best quote ever about life in troubled times from the best western movie of all time, Tombstone (1993).

Doc Holliday: What do you want Wyatt?
Wyatt Earp: Just to live a normal life.
Doc Holliday: There is no normal life, there's just life, ya live it.

If ya gotta live in tough times, might as well live a life they keep talking, and talking, and talking, and talking about....

P.S. Thank you for enduring my gratuitous use of movie shots, motifakes, and all other desperate grasps for attention to this blog.