Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Tired Forest

For those two people who've noticed that I haven't blogged in awhile, I been really busy and a whole lot of tired. I'm so tired, I'm tired of being tired. In fact, I'm so exhausted that I think I might actually blog about it so I can express it even more! The past month has been strange, wonderful and frustrating all at the same time. And speaking of forests, if I were a tree right now, I would be this tree....

But it is so good to be back blogging. I checked my stats before I began writing this post, and I have a thousand more hits than the last time I posted! That just proves it, there are some people in the world that want forest-oriented blogging! Maybe now, I've finally found my niche in life. Anyway, I think I'm on a easier trail now. I'm getting less and less exhausted everyday and I'm actually starting to enjoy my new job and my new apartment. I now make enough money so that I can afford to drink human jet fuel everyday (energy drinks) and that really helps to transform me in the morning from a useless ball of dead plasma to a functional human being. Yeah, they may kill me one day, but at least I will have accomplished something by then.

Six hours is better than sleeping in a box for a lifetime because I can't get my butt out of bed to go to work. What I don't understand is why they don't sell energy, or more specifically, caffeine, in transdermal patches. Then you don't have that energy drink taste to deal with, you know that old/fruit punch/urine taste? To me, it still tastes better than coffee. The only coffee I like is Starbucks Iced Mocha, which you have to run a ponzi scheme to be able to afford everyday. One time I found a bag of coffee I liked. It was sold at a nature gift shop and it was nine bucks a bag. It was shade grown and all that in the Amazon. I think it benefits the Audubon Society. So with your morning plasma, you can also buy yourself some eco-do-gooder ego. But alas, that stuff is too hard to find.

Actually, what I really need now that things have calmed down a bit is some good old forest therapy.
This is a real bummer because I live no where near a forest now. I hope I didn't just disillusion anyone out there who thought I ran this blog from a little, hollowed-out tree house in the deep woods. I'm actually right smack in the middle of the desert. What to do, what to do. I turned to the Internet for suggestions. This is what I found:

These are shoes you can put on to make you feel like you're standing in a forest. Wow. It looks like a bum made shoes out of hard plastic packaging and added moss for comfort. I hope you'll forgive me that I didn't take the time to provide a link or a price for those (I was too tired).

So then I thought, I just need to create a small nature sanctuary like this one.

In order for me to do this:
1. It would cost over a thousand dollars.
2. It would look like a pile of crap in two days.
3. It would turn into an internal bug exhibit in hours.
4. I would have to drive a half an hour to the nearest assembly of trees and somehow put an magically invisible enchantment over the area so no one would see it.

Which leads me to another rant. I would love to decorate my apartment with lots of fake trees and fake greenery to create a forest-like atmosphere. So can anyone tell me, why the hell does fake leaves cost so much? Seriously, you can buy a cell phone for what it cost to buy a decent fake tree.

= big rip off

So I guess I'll have to settle for traveling to the forest, instead of trying to bring it to me. It's time for me to get in that old clunker of mine and blow something bad for the environment out of my exhaust so I can extol nature. I could totally use a week in a place like this below, where I can just sit by the window and stare out at nothing but real trees, real nature for awhile.....and also hope I don't crash down and roll to China.

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad you have a new post.

    I did think you were in a forest. I guess you just love trees like me...


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