Bring back the Cloaks! Bring back the Cloaks! Bring back the Cloaks!

Well to continue on with my fashion theme, I wish now to lament the loss of the most classic of all garments that is no longer in fashion; the cloak. Why? Why? Why, did it go away? It just had the most mysterious, romantic and ethereal notions about it. It was also the most practical of all garments, of any time. It was warm, but could also be made in cooler and lighter materials for the warmer weather. You could make your own at home in like, two hours.  You could have a plethora of pockets sewn on the inside and outside of it. It smooths over any body issues. You never have to worry about what you wear under it. The hood eliminates the need for excessive hair care. And the best part about cloaks, is that you can totally disappear inside one if you want to....

It seems like cloaks went out of style around about 300 years ago. Probably a lot of things account for this such as modern conveniences, relaxed mores, or perhaps a modern disdain for things perceived in many ways as "medieval" (inquisition, serfdom, molesting priests). Well it sure can't be for comfort, at least for me.  I think it would be like wearing a fancier snuggie around all the time.

Probably the only time you've ever seen anybody wear a cloak these days was at the awesome-ist of all outdoor events, the Renaissance Faire. Otherwise known to me as the only place that exists that doesn't think I'm too strange.  Think what you may think of ren faire participants, they are one of the only living legacies of the most versatile garment of all time.

Not all cloaks are black of course. Today I would walk around in this one if my job wasn't dependent upon others' opinions of my sanity.

And I would go with this one in the winter. Perfect for tackling snowstorms. For fun I could pester kids outside playing with Turkish Delight (Lion, Witch & the Wardrobe). Or even more fun, walk outside of a cemetery gate when someone drives by.

You don't even have to go with a traditional style cloak. Heck, I don't care what they come back as, as long as they come back! You can make your cloak into whatever it is you want to express about yourself. Like, nobody is going to mess with this lady at the next board meeting.

I'm all about this cloak variation though.....

.....which is a perfect example of how well a cloak can display, alter or mask your personality as well as anything else you want to hide:





This is lame, I know.




And even though they cover a lot of skin, they are still sexy as hell! Don't believe me? I'll give you three examples right now!!!













 

 

 See, I told you! So come on everybody, it's high time we brought sexy back.

Welcome to my fashion sense!

Well, I've always been a little "different". I've always been a little strangely obsessed about nature. Might as well start dressing the part. Except that I would need a full service florist to get me dressed everyday. Hmmm...that would be outrageously expensive...  I guess I would have to go into the forest myself with pruning shears, tape and a stapler. Doesn't sound very comfortable (and risky), but we do have to suffer for our styles these days, don't we?

Now here is my new coat. It's warm, earthy, and won't be mistaken for anyone else's on the coat rack. The perfect outerwear to show your Earth Day event supremacy, especially since everyone just showed up for the refreshments.

This is my hat I wear for those days I don't want to mess with styling my hair, which is generally about 345 out of the 365 days of the year. Butterfly attracting flowers are a good idea to add for that extra dramatic flair.

Now this is the exact pose and look I want to pull off when my dream man walks down the forest trail. Fairies are optional.  

However, the only man these days I could attract with these ensembles in the forest is a man similar to this:

Anymore I can't be picky. If he's got one foot in the grave (looks like it) and comes from old forest money, I am so puttin' a ring on that. Heck, I've already got the wedding dress picked out for it.

You're all invited when it takes place of course. I hope you don't mind sharing the buffet table at the reception with the local forest critters. Just don't forget the bug spray, because it's going one long, heck of a party. I've even got the dress picked out for that...

This is definitely a case of form following function. Not only does this dress for the reception scream "PARTY", no one will be able to see how smashed I'm getting for the honeymoon.  LOL!!!!

Cool down your blazing hot summer with this wickedly dark romance in the A/C!

You know I'm not usually into romance novels these days, they are generally too cheesy and unrealistic for me. But this one looks rather fascinating. Any book that talks about love across time and dimensions is definitely going to grab my attention. The main character is Wiccan, and for those of you who don't know what that is, it is basically just a person who works with the old ways (ancient Gods & the natural energies of the earth). They are not evil or go against Judeo-Christianity in anyway. It's the religion that is most in harmony with the earth that I know of.

Anyway, this book is The Grimoire Book Chronicles: Veil Between Worlds by Sally Dubats. Check out the video below to get a feel for it. It looks to be really gothic-alicious!

Standing out on the Precipice

Too bad I couldn't push somebody off right now (I kid). Well it's that time again, life just served me up a big whopping plate of change. I'm standing out on yet another precipice, and I have no idea of what I'm looking out at. No signs or hint buttons from here on out. I think I've got a pretty good chance of surviving it though. When you're changing, it may not always be for the better, but yet you still somehow progress. Funny how life is like that.

Even the stupid journeys I've made in life that seemed to produce no fruitful outcome seem to evolve into unique manifestations.

But the older I get, the clearer I can see that an epic fail earlier in my life may not have advanced me any, but did help me understand something more pertinent later down the line. Having that knowledge, it is imperative from this point on to have no regrets. Life isn't up to our own ambitious designs, it's just what naturally evolves. Regrets = bad use of time planning your next adventure.

And through the years I've been wrapped up and confused about the notion to just go for your dream and never look back. Or, if you want something bad enough never, never give up trying. Well, that's probably great advice for a future Olympian who has the ultimate body designed for javelin throwing or something like that. The truth is, throwing everything under your dream bus is a waste of time on the great trek of life.  Failure is an oft-looked friend who is highly versed in constructive criticism.  

Your best effort in pursuing dreams is to go for the one that you're naturally adept at. Are you totally hilarious and have a ton of people standing around you laughing all the time?  Then quit screwing around in community college and learn what it takes to be a comedian. Spend all damn day on your laptop, and you're not working or employed? Then get your butt into an IT or programmer certification program, and stop perturbing people on Facebook or Youtube. Is the only thing you're good at is having the latest smart phone with service without ever maintaining a job? Then quit loitering wherever you're loitering at and work that baby to score you a reality show deal. Lesson here is, never look past an  emerging opportunity while absorbed into something comparatively useless.

Of course in this day and age, opportunities are frighteningly scarce. You can thank globalization for that.



Our lovely elected and non-elected finance officials have turned us into a zombie nation of job hunters duking it out over crap jobs like this one:

So you have to look for it in unusual places. Now is the time to pounce while everyone else is still reeling from the effects of our corrupt economy. You snooze, you loose.

 When everyone is griping about what is all going on around them, you've got to think fast and look towards emerging trends in the future (i.e., health care, energy crisis, education, technology). From there, you can plot your road to success. We're in a new age that is in the midst of a rapidly changing, global technological infrastructure. This is not the time to be opening a gift shop in the strip mall. Pick a trend in the future, study it, and hit up the first opportunity you come across in it.

And when that opportunity starts to get moldy, it's time poise yourself for reinvention and move on into the next big thing.

 In this new cutthroat world, you can't rest on your laurels. You'll always need to update your skills to stay ahead of the pack. Continuous education can help you to navigate new industry threats which are emerging all the time.

So rapid, survival-of-the-fittest, change is the new norm. Stop driving your kids nuts about coming to the dinner table and let them take a plate back to their computer so they can finish their blog. Let them tweet until 3 am about turning their Kindles into instruments of espionage. Definitely encourage the nerd persona. Tech savvy and brains are the new cool.

If you feel like all this technical transformation is making your head spin, it probably is. We'll have to find appropriate outlets for our anxiety. Probably not this one.

I think if we have to ride the technology wave, we should definitely try and enjoy it! Come on holodeck!!!!!


                              

Because eventually we'll get old. Our super duper, amazing technical skills will only be able to carry us so far. Younger people with way fresher ideas than our brains can cook up will eventually wipe us out.

Hopefully by then we have already bought into the great retirement funding hype and begin to leisurely enjoy our lives in style.

I guess there are other options then dealing with all this rigmarole (< spelling?), like if you were rich you could just hide away in a cabin in the woods and watch the rest of the planet fight it all out. As enticing as that option is for me, I've got a dark and horrible cloud looming over me and it goes by the name of "school loans". In closing, I would like to leave with the best quote ever about life in troubled times from the best western movie of all time, Tombstone (1993).

Doc Holliday: What do you want Wyatt?
Wyatt Earp: Just to live a normal life.
Doc Holliday: There is no normal life, there's just life, ya live it.

If ya gotta live in tough times, might as well live a life they keep talking, and talking, and talking, and talking about....

P.S. Thank you for enduring my gratuitous use of movie shots, motifakes, and all other desperate grasps for attention to this blog.

Poor Smokey the Bear!

What was once the lovable icon of forest fire prevention, Smokey has found himself inserted into any type of joke imaginable. I've provided a few examples below. I had to leave out several examples that were way funnier sort of vulgar. Unfortunately with the word "smokey" in your name, and the Internet being a perv haven, you'll find a lot of drug/sex mock-ups. I do somewhat strive to keep this blog family friendly for the one or two that might read it. I'll start out with the lamest one...

.....a little less lamer.....

maybe....

Don't worry, it gets better....

Well I guess "better" is a matter of opinion....

But don't give up on me yet.....

...And now for my personal favorite...

I can only hope that Smokey the Bear is still able to get his message across, and he still stands for the protection of nature in people's minds. Smokey the Bear is still a big inspiration for me, and I try and take his advice to the best of my ability:

Rainbow the Dreambear visits your Campsite all the way from Rainbowforestland.

When you're bored, ridiculous things can start to happen, or be created...

Somebody shoot me, I have to move again

Some traits would have been nice to pick up from other species, like the compact moving skills of the little forest guy pictured above. Holy crap, I hate moving. I guess there are a few things that are worse, like maybe torture and daytime TV, but that doesn't help to put the misery of moving into perspective any better. It seems like in the past decade, I've moved every 1-3 years.   I could really try and concoct a positive outlook on moving, like I'm entering into a new  realm of my life or something, but the following just really sums it up for me:

 

There is a lot of emotions mixed in with moving besides all the physical work involved.  I hate coming across old photos of times from the past that I would rather forget:


       

It also probably doesn't help that I'm the world's worst packer. Like for instance, you will never see me pack clothes in something as methodical as this:

My clothes all get moved in trash bags! And it's not bagged up dry cleaner style either. I pack up absolutely only what I need to hygienically survive in my car and if I can't fit it all in the back of my trunk without body slamming it three times, it gets pitched at the car wash trash can!  Here is a better depiction of my moving style:

I've also learned after several moves to not be a hoarder. Everything you haul up in your pad, you have to hand carry it out eventually.







Usually a few months before I move I pack up  a bunch of stuff and sell it on Ebay. By the time I get it sold and pay for shipping and Paypal, I've made enough money to buy the good quality kind of trash bags to pack the really irreplaceable stuff in.







This move is especially scary because I can't find a place to live yet. Every decent apartment I find is too far away. Some apartments look great online, but when you check past tenant reviews people write things about them like "cockroach zoo", or "I'd rather slit my wrists then move back there." At this point, I'm thinking about this strategy if I can find a good, secluded area:

I'm hoping a few months from now I will look back to this time and laugh about my apartment anxiety and moving apprehension. I would also like to think that maybe someone, anyone, will miss me from here too.